#3 'The Letters I've Never Sent.'

My dearest friend,

I know you think you don't care, but I know better. I won't believe that you've given up on me, that you've dismissed me and will disregard me. I know you don't understand, but I think you want to.

I wouldn't say betrayal is your strong suit, but you've performed so beautifully with others that you probably didn't think twice. Betrayal only works when one of the 2 parties involved is left in complete and utter shock and despair. I was neither. I knew this was coming, I just didn't know when.

But it's the way we work now--and though I'm not okay with it, I can deal with it, but only for so long. I'll wait for the day that you realize you were wrong, and I know that I'll only keep waiting. Stubborn should be your middle name.

I know you think you don't care, but I know better. I believe you appreciate the heavy. The words too strong to say out loud but perfect for the written word. The proclamations and expectations that we both have for eachother--like me irrationally believing you will change one day, and you irrationally believing I won't expect change from your worst. It's a phase, on both ends, and soon it will pass.

We will find a middle ground, but it's a timeless struggle. I can't say how long it's been or how long it will be that we've fought this war, but sooner or later an end will arise. And we'll both know better. We'll know better than to question the thin lines that define who we are apart, who we are together, and who we actually want to be for the rest of our lives.

I know you think you don't care, but I know that you know, decisions must be made. Life is a series of decisions--the good and the bad. And caring is the only way to see ourselves through to the other side.

While you think you don't care, I'll care enough for the both of us...this is a woman's world after all. But I know you'll meet me half way some day. I just know.

I know you don't think you care. And that's fine. Just know that I always have.

t.