Thursday, September 27, 2012

The Letters I've Never Sent: To Lonely Girls

Dear Lonely Girl,

How are you feeling these days?  Has it been hard for you lately? Tell me what it feels like when you close your eyes and try to fall asleep. Do you still fight it? Do you stop breathing? I only ask because I feel for you. I worry that what happens to me now happens to you. We share this eerie likeness, and it hurts sometimes. But it's not all the time, at least I don't think so.

Do you worry about your future? Your entire existence? I do. I think that every day I start to fade a little bit. And maybe people can still see me, but I'm not as present as I used to be. Now even more people walk into me, or rather right through me. Like I'm not even there. Like I'm invisible--like I'm thin air. Can you imagine a world without you in it? Don't. It will only make you feel worse.

I did this all too often and realized, life would go on, people you think can't live without you, they will go on living. Without you. Maybe it will be rough for a few days, or maybe even months, but they will go on living. I'd become a faded memory, a good ol' days reminiscence, an "if she was here I bet she'd think I was funny." But beyond that, everyone is still moving forward. Caught up in their own heads, their own dramas and their own stresses, and you and I have simply ceased to exist.

Then you realize you can no longer make history. You miss the opportunity to leave your mark because you let yourself fade, never fighting to stay, and life left you, while every thing around you took your place. People, things, whatever. They're still existing. But not you.

Are you still avoiding mirrors? Stop. I glance up at least twice a day, to remind me that I'm me and I'm still here. Still a part of this fight, and though I struggle with all my might and the people around me seem to take flight, I'm still here. Lonely as it is,  I'm not, really. Cause you're right there with me. Existing, a part of this same fight--only we haven't been formally introduced yet. It's nice to meet you.

Please receive this letter with an open mind and in the event that you feel more alone than you can handle, just read it. I'll be right there with you.

a Comrade of the Cause.

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