Here I Am

Here I Am - amber ojeda

This is something a little bit* different. I discovered Amber Ojeda in a random Imeem search, and I like what I hear.

Here I am,
I am doing the best that I can....
I'm humbled by the words of a dear fan,
and accepting that things don't always go to plan.

Say you wanna be a part of me.. A part of something too real to be...
Flaws and all, I'm actually a version of someone hands down better than 'she.'
'She' that belongs to he unknowingly, will fail to succeed..
No this is not a low blow and no this is not me being cocky,
But you see,
I am the me that all fail to see as exceptional beauty.
In my words, behind the voice that executes it, not the face that occasionally I'll hesitate to look at, just a little bit.
See I'm confident, but not cocky, it subsides when situations get rocky..
Will he want me? Or will he realize he should want me?
I will provide something better than any version of the "un-me" which is every woman who is not me, because "I" is unique.
"I" is unique in every 'she' that you meet, but I'm the best being made for he.
I am the best version of what it best for anyone to want to be... better.
I know he's tellin himself, don't forget her, never regret her, She made me bet-her.
Actually, I didn't make him bet me at all, he bet-her, and lost me.
But all's fair in love and what's actually.
One day our decisions will all be free.
And the words that I speak, will be heard by every "he."
Here I am, a little different,
in a way I find self sufficient.
Flaws and all, I'm efficient.
Here I am, a forbidden addiction.

*Pondering.....

If I looked, acted, smiled, walked, danced, dressed, and talked differently,

would you be able to find the real me?

Kicking a Habit.

So I've reached the 2-week mark they say you need to truly kick a habit, and for some reason that was beyond easy, which means it wasn't really a habit. The true habit, that I'm one week done with, is eating me up inside because its that habit you never thought you'd be without, that habit you don't understand why you had to let go, and that habit that just makes you who you are, flaws and all. So I'm sitting in a dark silent room, no Imeem to guide my thoughts for this poem, and I'm tryin to kick this habit.

It's funny how people say what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger..
But what I think that means is you might hide your pain a little longer.
I'm not afraid anymore to acknowledge that my addiction to you,
is making my heart black and blue.

You were something almost a necessity for me, something I always knew would be good for me,
But now I'm at a point where the powers that be say I'm bad for he.
Really?
I'm not sure that its the real me, or us, that you see.
But big hearts and tough souls have withstood much more.
I doubt everyday that you've completely closed the door.
Am I wrong, for dreaming occasionally of a time when we'd soar?
Above the clouds and have everything we ever hoped for?
Or am I wrong, for dreaming that there is a we that's hoping for anything?
Because my minds grappling with the fact that the song "we" used to sing,
Is ending.
You're not really attached to the lyrics like I am,
you don't really hear the melody like I can,
But can I blame you? NO I can't.
It was a malignancy masked by a brilliancy that I wanted to be meant to be.
But do you see me? Probably not,
My face and smile are warm enough to be easily forgot.. in
the sense that they're not full of concern and worry so you easily let it go,
thinking my melancholy state of being was real, not just for show.
It's okay though, no one ever said kickin deep rooted habits was easy.
I just wish I had the chance to say goodbye and walk peacefully.
Never leave in rage because your mind takes over your hearts gauge.
And when you realize what you've done, you've reached the unforgivable age... Of too late.

A Sure Thing*

People have come to misinterpret the real meaning of a sure thing.. So i'm gonna clarify.

The dictionary defines a "sure thing" as something that is or is supposed to be a certainty.
Somehow, someway people tend to try to make certain all of life's uncertainty.
Lookin in from the outside shows the true absurdity,
Of the lost individuals that make decisions arbitrarily.
Thinking it out sometimes leads to overthinking,
then you make decisions too quickly, no blinking.
Are you just trying to make certain something rather unpredictable?
Just because you're unsure if you're ready for perfectly predictable?
Seems like fear's at the core for you,
So you constantly do things you're not sure you should do.
But you do it anyway. thinking that'll yield a better outcome another day..
But you know what? You're wrong... Because you will realize before long.
You really did mess up, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news
But I wish you good luck in your certain future uncouth blues.

Let Me Dance

Let Her Dance (Feat. Maya Azucena & Illestr8) - Stephen Marley

I haven't been to a good reggae party in a long time... and I came across this track (of course in my Imeem frenzy...) and I kinda got up and started dancing, by myself, in my living room. Now I'm seated.. enjoy.

My hips are swaying in a way that got his eye stayin,
On me.. He's tantalized by my rhythm and my groove,
I'm waitin for him to cross the floor, make the first move.
Don't stop the track, I really wanna dance...
Better yet put it on loop, let's give him another chance,
To find his way to me so we can get lost in the sea,
My body rockin, crashin like the waves do you see?
I'm dancing for he.. He that is watching me..
This is no ordinary rated G choreography...
This is just me, moving for he....
Grab my waist boy this is where I want you to be..

Let's just dance dance, dance dance, dance dance..
It may be our last chance to ignite this long awaited romance.
So just dance with me.... No questions, let it be.

Post Surgery

I just got my wisdom teeth pulled, and my face is in constant discomfort so I thought I'd bitch a little about involuntary pain... you know, because no one ever chooses to feel pain, it's just something that at times cannot be adverted.

I feel as though my face might explode,
and the stitches holding me together will start to unfold.
I'm worried that these drugs will give me the worst kind of satisfaction
That from life I will feel I need a constant chemical distraction..
But no worries, I'll let the "viks" numb me...
It's cool I don't think they will succumb me..
I pretty much got this situation under control,
until the pain sends a piercing jolt through the hole,
that's left me unsure of what i can consume...
My normal eating habits, I long to resume.
Ahhh fucc surgery!!!!!
IT's absurdity...
Now where's my burger! (lol.. sorry, I think i'm still loopy)

Bittersweet

Outro (CS) - Drake


I chose this as the title for my first novel (gimme another year)... and I heard this melody the other day and felt some type of way... It kinda tickled me as the epitome of bittersweet.... Drake's Outro on his So Far Gone Mixtape makes me just wanna flow real quick.. about any and everything. so lemme live okay?

It was a bittersweet ending,
All the emotional signals I've been sending....
Time to regroup, refocus, restart the show...
It's just what needs to be done, it's something you sorta just know.
But it was sweet while it lasted, bitter that it ended, but sweetly...
I am not bitter about much more than before, I'm only accepting and reminiscent on the sweet memories that replay in my mind all the time.
I don't forget the important things because remembrance is what this brings.
A final chord just for us, the ivories are singing to us.
It was bittersweet...can you feel the keys?
Being tickled so softly as my mind starts to freeze,
Still pictures of the good times and all the well thought out rhymes
That developed as poetry from me, to he.
The ballad's being made and its realness will never fade.
My soul is satisfied now that all options have been weighed.
I don't believe in goodbyes and I'm really good at fighting cries.
So instead I'll smile and let the piano play for a while.
Because pain and anger I no longer claim as my style.

It's too beautiful to waste any energy on regret. So my mind is set.
Bittersweet as it is, I choose to never forget.

Friend of Mine

Friend Of Mine (Explicit Version) - Lily Allen

You're no friend of mine,
I realize now I've been wasting a sh*tload of time.
I spent days and nights tryin to get you outta my mind..
But something always told me not to cut that line.

But where's the self-respect?
Better yet, lets address the disrespect,
You bestowed upon me when you let me interject.
You let me intercept,
A situation all too outta my league,
And led me down a road I had every reason to believe.

You're no friend of mine now,
I'm at a place where I'm letting you know now...
One last straw and it's done do you see how?
You chose the road often traveled but not well graveled,
and within minutes the sign directing you back to your travel,
will be gone. Listen to the song,
It personifies the wrong,
gives a feeling of guilt but not for long.
Because after its close I'm feeling a little more strong.

You're no friend of mine, now
You're just a waste of time, now
I won't let you take away mine.
I'm taking your lack of care as a sign.

Heed the stop signs and the traffic lights,
The weathers pretty bad so dont forget your brights.
Most importantly leave your rage alone and leave your strength at home.
Because the rage is your own since you couldn't use your phone.
Oh well, no need to worry now I'm fine.
I just see now you were never really a true friend of mine.

Tonight

Tonight - Lykke Li

I'm not having mood swings lol, I just love these songs I'm discovering tonight!
I have all these drafts saved for the moment I come up with something I feel suits the songs I heard, so this is my suitor for Tonight, tonight.

I turned around and you weren't there,
I've finally realized my one night time fear.
I thought you'd be right behind me,
But when I turned around, you, I couldn't see.
Don't let me go, let me go tonight.
Hold up a sec I don't wanna fight.
Don't let me go, let me go tonight.
Just tell me you won't let me outta sight.

I kept on walkin so you couldn't see the pain,
That my eyes started to spill with the intent to stain,
The street that I paced as my heart continued to race.
Don't you let me go, let me go,
Damn you know, you already know.
I'm not willin for my heart to show.
Just don't let me go,
This is something to which you can't say no.

I turned around one last time for you,
But this time I saw something completely new.
Nothing. There was no one and nothing behind me.
I was blinded by the clear vision my sight provided me.
You let me go, you let me go tonight.
I'm startin to think that all my bad thoughts were right.
Cause you let me go tonight.
My mind body and soul have finally given into the fight.
You win, I will go without sin.

You shouldn't have let me go, let me go that night.
Cause I figured it out. Out of mind, out of sight.
That's the last battle I'm lettin myself fight.

Little Bit

little bit remix - drake & lykke li

So I actually spoke to a long lost friend (not that long lost but you know what I mean...) Beans!!! and we got to discussing music, and low and behold, he told me about this track by Drake and Lykke Li called "Little Bit" that I kinda love a lot.. a little bit a lot lol... Anyway... It inspired me to write, screw my own emotions, this is just a great writer's rant ok people? anyway, let's get to it.

I think you're the closest that I've come to being the only one...
The only one I want and the only bond I don't want to be undone...
I think I love you a lot a little bit because we're just so much fun...
together.
A little bit intoxicated, a little bit inebriated, we tend to do things we know
each other will have appreciated.
We're a little bit in sync with each other, a little bit better with one another..
But I'm a little bit fed up with being a lot a bit messed up about it.
Ooo ooo ooo oo... Hands down, I'm a little bit too proud to love.
But when my guards down, I find myself placing you up above.
All the sane things in my life and the things that generally don't cause me strife.
And I think it's because you got my mind, my mind, my mind, my mind... ohhh
Waiting for a time, a time, a time, a time... that just will never arrive.

So I'll just be a little bit hating you because I was a little bit achin for you...
and while I was a little bit in love with you, I need to be a lot a bit done with you.