Who am I Kidding?

It has been an interestingly weird week... One I wouldn't want to repeat, and I honestly can't say why. But today I realized something: I'm only fooling myself.

I am a careful clumsy person, a sloppy neat-freak, a slacker-nerd, casual but chiq. I am always calmly anxious, hopefully pessimistic, romantically uninterested, a relationship-seeking loner, a halfway frequent stoner, Of my soul a sometimes owner.

I am a poet who hates to rhyme, but i do so often because it takes up time,
In a life that is vacant and FULL of spare time.
I am a woman, who wants to be done. But when you give in just like that, it takes away the fun.
But I am a woman, that chapter's only just begun. I hate the lonely nights and I long for the sun.
I'm a ball of a confusion, a walking conundrum.
I don't even know what I've already done.
I've taken my life and this web I have spun,
and made it something worse incapable of coming undone.
I'm a stringy mess, trying to straighten out my life and the rest...
I'm not quite the worst, but I'm no longer at my best.

This is me defeated, because somewhere along the line, my happiness was only cheated.